He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
