I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
