Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Randomize
