just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
