He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
