Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
