I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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