I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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