you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Sober January is a disaster.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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