Please, let me fuck your mom
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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