me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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