I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We had to coat check the pizza.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize