One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize