it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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