I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
