In the future we'll all be gay
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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