I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
