I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
