last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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