You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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