I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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