Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
