at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
