I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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