Having a random hookup so left but love u
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
