You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize