im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
