We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize