okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
