so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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