Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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