He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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