There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
