You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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