We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
