he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
