called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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