It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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