I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
