he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
