i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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