I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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