I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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