He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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