I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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