you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
