I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
