I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
