You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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