If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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