Got a toothbrush?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I believe in your delicious
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
