How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
