It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
