I just made out with a guy for $7.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
