I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need water and some morals
My vagina is very pro this idea
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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