Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
