and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
