how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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