He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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