I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
