i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize