Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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