Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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