Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ladies don't puke and tell
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
