i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
honey bunches of taint.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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