your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize