Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
