I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize