WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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