My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize