Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
we should paint friendship bongs
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