i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
