...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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