Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Two words: blizzard sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
