god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I want to have your abortion
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found your dick twin last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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